Is saying 'f**k it' the key to happiness?
Lisa Scott, Metro, Monday, October 6, 2008
Life: It's a four-letter word. Instant 'fi' therapy.
F*** It: John Parkin says his life has been transformed.
'F*** it' says John Parkin, waving his arms around. 'F*** it, f*** it, f*** it.' It's quite an outburst, one normally associated with a stubbed toe or a parking ticket.
He is, however, just showing me how he deals with modern life and all that goes with it: our obsession with how we look, the pressure to own a nice home and the stress of paying the bills.
For Parkin, saying 'FI' (we will refer to 'f*** it' like this - it is Monday morning after all) to something causing you misery or anxiety allows you to let go of it.
You could say FI to your miserable relationship and dump your useless partner. You could say FI to your diet and scoff on a plate of chips.
You could say FI to your demanding job and do something that makes you happy. Whatever you choose to let go of, Parkin guarantees it will make you a happier person.
'People have been working 18 hours a day for their whole lives and it could collapse around them. Was it worth it? Perhaps they will now evaluate what is important.
Getting a perspective
'It isn't about giving up,' he explains. 'It's about getting a perspective on what is important. Saying FI frees you from the things that bring you down and will help you realise it wasn't that important after all. It's a spiritual act.'
Parkin teaches his FI therapy at his holistic retreat in Italy which offers yoga, massage and lots of talking. He has also just released a book that teaches us how to stop struggling and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.
He calls it a magical modern mantra, although the act of letting go to hold on is one of the fundamental teachings of Buddhist practice. And, with the economic outlook getting gloomier, the country certainly needs some spiritual guidance right now.
'People have been working 18 hours a day for their whole lives and it could collapse around them. Was it worth it? Perhaps they will now evaluate what is important.'
Parkin first said FI to modern life in 2002. At the time he was writing TV ads for an ad agency, but took his Italian wife Gaia and their ten-month-old twins on a six-month road trip to Italy to find a site to build a holistic retreat.
From the age of 20, Parkin had been practising yoga and chi kung (a Chinese energy art) while Gaia too, was interested in New Age therapies. Together they had a desire to do something different.
Allow energy to flow
'As soon as I said "FI", I immediately started feeling better, emotionally and physically,' explains Parkin, who has suffered from eczema and allergies all his life.
'I relaxed and that allowed my energy to flow, which made me stronger. A lot of my allergies cleared up.'
His epiphany happened when he returned to Britain for a brief visit. 'The site was being worked on and we came back for six months to earn some money. My allergies returned and I became depressed about money.
One day I was sitting on a packed Tube and I was sobbing while Gaia held my hand. I was so miserable I didn't care people were staring at me and I suddenly felt an amazing sense of freedom.'
Of course we're all guilty of caring too much about what others think. Most people who visit Parkin in Italy complain of it. 'But it's great when you relinquish responsibility. It's an amazing freedom,' he adds.
For now, his first prescription for everyone is to sit still for 15 minutes. 'It's my favourite pastime,' says Parkin, as he slouches in his chair and lets his arms hang. 'I have quite a buzz when I feel the energy flow through my body. We don't do this because there are so many distractions and we are scared we may have time to think about our unfulfilled lives. But it's the best insurance policy you'll ever take.'